I Wish I Knew What To Say When…

By Marilyn Friend, Ph.D.
University of North Carolina at Greensboro
Representative to the Representative Assembly (RA) for the Teacher Education Division (TED)

Most of the time, everything at schools moves along smoothly.  Teachers teach, students learn, and the days fly by.  Interactions among teachers, administrators, and parents occur as needed, and they are clear and constructive.  Occasionally, however, that is not the way it is.  Perhaps in a co-taught class, the general education teacher directs the special educator to run to the office to make the missing copies of the assignment, and the special educator bristles at what is perceived as an order.  Perhaps a teacher and a paraprofessional have a disagreement.  Suddenly, you might be at a loss for words. 

I wish I could give you an entire course on how to deal with difficult situations, but that’s not exactly possible in a blog.  Here are just a few ideas to keep in mind when confronting difficult or awkward interactions:

• If you’re the person who may have caused a problem, step right up, take responsibility, and try to repair any damage done.  If you realize you spoke sharply to a paraprofessional, you can apologize (but don’t bother with explanations).  That sounds simple, but it’s surprising how often it’s not done.  It’s also not reasonable for the other person to immediately say, “That’s ok.”  If you hurt someone feelings, it might take a little time for the person to get past it.  Apologize and then back off.
• If you’re the recipient of what you perceive as an inappropriate comment, you should raise your concern as son as possible.  You might say, “When you sent me to the office today to make extra copies, it made me think that I was an assistant and not a colleague, and I’m concerned that the students saw it that way, too.”  Most important is to stop speaking at that point to see what the other person has to say.  S/he might apologize, in which case you’ve had a successful outcome in a difficult interaction.  The person might explain (I didn’t mean anything by it—it just had to be done), and then you may have to decide whether to try again or just let it go this time.  If the person communicates that duplicating should be something you do, then you might want to step back from the situation and plan for a longer interaction that would allow both of you to clarify roles and responsibilities in the classroom.
• If you’re interacting with a parent and you’re unsure how to respond, the best strategy is to let the parent know you’ll get back in touch.  Perhaps the parent has expressed dissatisfaction with his/her child’s program or services, or perhaps the parent accuses you or another teacher of being unfair.  The strategy that can help is to say something like this:  “I need to do some checking based on the information you’ve shared with me.  When could I call you in a day or two so that we can continue our conversation?”  Adjusting the language of this type of comment, what you want to communicate is that you’re taking the parent’s comments seriously but want to investigate.  This provides you with time to do just that and to plan how to respond.

Comments

[Lisa Pchakjian]

I'm a first year intern, teaching students with moderate/severe disabilities in high school. I have found the greatest struggle for me is dealing with paraprofessionals. My biggest issue with this situation is the fact that as teachers, we have to go through all the education and pressure and assume all the responsibility for the students education, and all the paraprofessionals have to do is pass a basic skills exam and background check. This leaves the teacher responsible for not only teaching his/her students, but the paraprofessionals as well.

If the purpose of all the education and credentials teachers must hold is to increase teaching standards and ensure the needs of the students are met, why aren't the standards for paraprofessionals increased? The paraprofessionals spend just as much time with the students as the teacher does, sometimes more. They have a large impact on the students overall success. If they are not properly educated in the field of special education, they could possibly contradict what the student is learning in class, cause a problem behavior to relapse, or model a new, undesirable behavior.

As special educators, we have to be extremely careful of how we present information to students, do you think the paraprofessionals are as careful? Sure, we like to think positively and assume our paraprofessionals want the best for our students, but who determines what's best for anyone?

Another thing I have an issue with is criticism from my paraprofessionals. As teachers, we often don't have the time to sit and talk about WHY we are doing a particular lesson or WHY we asked them to work on something with a student. So I find myself taking away from instruction time to explain my rationale. Unfortunately there is no class on how to manage paraprofessionals because the topic is very general and situational. There isn’t just one method that will work with every classroom situation. Often times there are several methods to deal with each paraprofessional in a single class. So, I have three paraprofessionals and eight students. That’s eleven different minds I have to work with; and eleven different methods I have to establish and enforce consistently.

Where is the cut off? When do we know the situation is beyond our control? The funny thing is, I was a paraprofessional for years before I started teaching; and now I look back and I remember all the things I used to do prior to completing my education. I think to myself, wow, I did so many things the wrong way. But it wasn’t because I wanted to cause harm or upset the teacher; it was due to my lack of education in the field. And that is something I consider every time I want to go off on one of my paraprofessionals. Basically, it all comes down to money. In order to demand the same standards from the paraprofessionals as the teachers, there needs to be appropriate compensation for their efforts and increased responsibility. The government doesn’t pay our teachers enough and it doesn’t pay our paraprofessionals enough, and I probably won’t see that change in my lifetime. The purpose of this blog was to get my frustrations out and for the readers to know they aren’t alone. If any of you have advice for me from your experiences, I AM ALL EARS!

[joyce]

IKnow it is difficult to get parents of 7th and 8th graders to participate due to burnout or years of disappointments. Here is something to try that is different and positive. I had read about calling parents once a month just to share good news and to ask them their opinions, comments, questions, concerns; ask how the parents are doing, about siblings and give parents an understanding outlet. My first attempt went well. I haven't been able to do this every month with every parent but when I do make the call, parents welcome hearing from me. It also makes those other, not so pleasant, calls easier for parents to take.

[Marilyn Friend]

Greetings, Fellow Posters:

I wanted to thank everyone for participating in the January CEC blog on collaboration. Your comments and quetions have reminded me of how complex it is in the real world--that is, the one of actual school buildings with tremendous diversity of learners, and professionals and paraprofessionals and administrators who each bring to education a particular perspective and set of expectations. A few of the comments from this past week really make me worry about how to get everyone in schools on the same page...and, as I have said repedatedly over the years, acting like grown-ups. I'll check in a few more times, but at this point will wish all of you well in your efforts to improve outcomes for kids through your collaboration with wonderful and not-so-wonderful colleagues and situations.

[Cathy Heaston]

This is in response to Matt:
I can relate to what you're saying--I work with mostly 7th and 8th grade students. My 7th graders come from a grade 5-6 building, and we often have to adjust the IEP's to the students' new situation in a different building. It takes a few weeks to really get to know them and to see just what their needs are; oftentimes I'm frustrated because we don't have enough staff to provide inclusion services for all the kids who need it (I wish I could clone myself). It is a delicate balance trying to determine if a student is being challenged without being overwhelmed, and receiving needed supports without "learned helplessness." It is also at times awkward to be the mediator between the school system and the parents.
It's helpful to me to see that special educators like myself have so much in common, such as having to deal with less than cooperative regular ed teachers. I have a good working relationship with most of my regular ed teachers, but there is always one or a few who seem to resent the existence of IEP's.
I have had to deal with a 7th grade math teacher this year who took over the Title classes and is not used to having "special kids". One of my students is OHI, with emotional issues, and her IEP states that she can have extended time, at teacher/I.S. discretion. One morning last November, she and her mother came to see me before school--the girl was in a panic because she had gone to the emergency room with her mom the evening before, and had not finished her math homework (she had been struggling with that particular skill covered in the assignment, also). I worked with her right there to help her with the assignment, but we were running out of time. Her mom asked to see her IEP, which I brought out, and she requested that, as had been on her former IEP, that her daughter be permitted to have assignments reduced when needed. Since I had the mom right there, and it wouldn't change the IEP much, I made the addendum (adding "at teacher/tutor discretion") and had her sign it. This greatly alleved the girl's anxiety, since she had already done over half the assignment. I wrote a note on her homework asking that she not be penalized for the reduction, and emailed all her teachers about the addendum.
The student has only needed extra time on one other math paper since then, but almost every time this teacher and I discuss this student, she makes the snide comment, "I guess we have to do this, because she gets to do whatever she wants." I did apologize to her that I didn't consult her before making the addendum, but I told her that since it had been on her former IEP, and since the student ON OCCASION needs a safety net to alleviate her anxiety, I thought it was the best thing to do, and it certainly was not a carte blanche for her to get every homework assignment shortened. I honestly didn't think it would be such a big deal! None of the other 7th grade teachers had a problem with it. I talked to my building principal about it, and he was sympathetic, but that old timer has some stubborn old attitudes!
Thanks for letting me share!
Cathy

[Rhonda]

The word for getting along with your para is to treat her like your good right hand not your servant and don't expect her to do anything you would not do yourself. This means that if you expect her to feed and change diapers, you feed and change diapers too. If you teach, she should also have teaching tasks. When you write IEPS, ask for her input and if she is a child specific or works closely with a particular child, she should really be at the staffing. She should also have input into all decisions made about the class. She can be your best friend or your worst enemy. Rose, I trusted with my soul and those of the kids. I trained her from scratch and she became known as the best severe/profound para Debbie, who should have been a teacher herself and had run the orthopedically impaired class due to unqualified or absent teachers, never bonded with me and ultimately stabbed me in the back. The are all different. They all have gifts to give.

Treasure your para and if you offend her as I once did with an incredibly lazy, dishonest and sneaky para, apologize immediately. I was really mad about her going on an on about her own "brilliant" daughter and her statements of dislike for some of our classroom kids and how she treated them when I was gone--no abuse, just not nice. Remember them on Christmas, their birthday and on Staff Appreciation Day.

Some paras have administrative connections. They might be a cousin or neighbor of the principal. Be real careful with these. The principal is probably asking her about you. Keep you business between you and special ed business in special ed.

The key is to treat her as you would want to be treated.

Collaboration with other special educators is not too hard. Help create a family in your department and support one another.

Collaboration with regular education is harder because they often do not show respect for us since many of our kids contribute negatively to the almight test score (May it rest in peace in 2008). We were the red headed step childrn in 1975 (the activation of 94.142) and still are in many situations. But just remember that while regular teachers often go into education because they don't know what they want to do, special educators with special education degrees choose their field deliberately, often as a result of knowing or being related to a person with disabilities as a child or teen. One special ed teacher had polio as a child, another mild cerebral palsy, a third was legally blind, but in most cases it was a family member, neighbor or friend who had a disability or they had a close relative who was a professional in a related field.

We are also smart teachers. It is that simple. Special educators are the best and the brightest. Not every teacher is capable of doing what we do and this is why those who are not us really should not be teaching our children. I was in one system where special education teachers who were considered "not smart enough for special education" as well as those suspected of chronic child abuse but never caught were sent to regular education where they often became administrators. Yes. I said it because I knew a woman who could not speak grammatically. She was an EBD teacher who was sent down to regular education. She looked good and had social skills and was sweet. When I met her she was a curriculum coordinator and on track to becoming a principal.

A suspected abuser was sent to 4th grade and the one who got caught, but was so connected she could probably have been an assistant superintendent if she could have passed the test (real dyslexic) was sent to hospital/homebound because, unlike her severe, multihandicapped and autistic children that she hit regularly, those kids could tell mama if she hit them and there was always an adult around when she worked with them. Those three were exceptions. Most of us are very bright, good teachers.

We just have never gotten the respect because people think our kids cannot learn and we must not be bright either to want to work with them. One kindergarten teacher thought those of us who taught severe-profound were DAY CARE WORKERS. Watch for these. They are ripe for re-education. Speak our language and lose them quicker then you can say LRE. Then bring them back and tell them about what we do and our kids in language without our dialect. Finish up when they suggest they would be better off "in a home" , say, Oh, she has a very good home with her mother, father, siblings and they love her very much. If it is true add things like, "She went on a cruise last summer with her grandmother" "She smiles whenever we talk about her trip."

Collaboration is difficult but can make your job secure and you very satisfied. It can also serve you well as when Rose testified on my behalf when a racist principal was trying to terminate me for teaching while white in an all black school. She had said that we never care about the kids and called me insubordinate for not resigning. Collaboration is hard, but if your co-workers are special ed too, you have a family.

[Marilyn Friend]

Hey, Cynthia. Thanks for the kind words. This has been a learning experience for me! I've enjoyed reading about what is happening in everyone's situations related to collaboration.

[Marilyn Friend]

Sherri:

Just so you know, parent participation often drops off at the middle and high school levels. That's true for all kids, including those with disabilities. For the latter group, it's probably a matter of meeting fatigue as well as any negative past experiences. Although in some cases nothing may work, it's worth continuing to try--what about the parent attending by phone instead of in person? What about holding the meeting in a friendlier location (community center nearby or place of worship)? What about giving a parent a choice of 2 or 3 times/dates for the meeting instead of telling them only one option? What about asking the parent to bring along a friend,relative, or another person who can speak for them and also be a second set of ears (and lower the intimidation factor)? What about limiting the numer of professionals who attend the meeting so that parents don't feel so overwhelmed? What about a short pre-meeting with the parent so the person knows what to expect? How about sending home in advance an agenda or explanation of what will happen and a request that the parent bring specifici nformation to the meeting? Sorry--there are lots of ideas and yyou'll have to tailor what you do to your parent group, but hopefully this is a start.

[Marilyn Friend]

Carla (and everyone): Your topic is one that makes me see red! I hear often in the field that teachers are making individuals about what parts of the IEP they want to implement and which they believe are not "necessary." this is an area where it's a bright line issue--that is a violation of IDEA. When you're the special education teacher, your strategy if this happens is to first nicely remind the person that the accommodations are required--not a choice. IF you try that a couple of times, you may have to say something like this: "I'm getting worried because part of my responsibility is to be sure that this students receives the accommodations noted on the IEP. If we can't get it worked out, I'd like to invite someone else in to help us, just to be sure we know what's expected." And then name the right person--assistant principal, special education coordinator? One way to think about this and to explain it to others is this: The IEP is both a permission slip (it tells teachers it is ok to make changes for the student) and a club (teacher HAVE to make these changes). If treated lik the former, it's a lot more pleasant and productive for everyone, including the student!

[Marilyn Friend]

This is for Debbie and Matt:

first, Matt, thanks for your thoughtful comments on the transitions students experience throughout their school careers and educators' responses to them. I would add to what Matt said by noting that the transition from preschool to the K-12 system, believe it or not, often is viewed as the most difficult. Interactions with families often occur differently, the pressure of the curriculum is significantly different, class groups are largers, and so on and so on. That in no way diminishes the importance of providing supports to students--but it truly is the IEP team that has to decide which supports are appropriate. ONe strategy that can be used is to try a support (or the iwthholding of a particular support) for a month or so to see what the impact is. If it's helpful (or on the contrary, does not help), then a more permanent decision can be mad cabout continuing the support. I know it seems stressful to consider an extra meeting, but there are situations where that actually would be the best response.

[matt malcore]

This is mainly in response to Debbie -

I work with 7th-9th grade students and have similar problems with the "transition," though ours are going to 10th grade rather than 1st as in your case.

We struggle with the level we expect our students to perform at: if we hold them to a high standard, they sometimes get failing grades; if we hold their hands and over-support, they pass on to the next grade, but fail there because they lack the independence they need to succeed at that higher level.

We had a long conversation today with our building principal. I think we left with fewer answers than we entered...

We struggle with that balance: we can help the kid feel successful this year by enacting a great number of "supports." I use supports in quotes because of what I have read about "punishing students with praise" (Alfie Kohn, I believe). Anyway, we balance those supports with high standards of the student to support him or herself in preparation for the real world.

I think special education gives us some power and leeway. We have the IEP where we can mandate supports for the child - those we know will help him/her to succeed without becoming enabling of weakening the student.

Write in the IEP those specific supports that work well - we are advocates for the kids - and hope that next year's teachers will provide like we did. Legally, those teachers have a responsibility to follow the IEP. Of course, in many cases they can get away with not following it or manipulating it to fit their philosophies as "best for the child."

Is there some external factor preventing the primary school teachers from implementing the interventions you have seen work? Is it a lack of resources? Are there fewer support personnel? Do these teachers want to see if the student has grown up a little bit and can work without those same interventions?

I see that last one a lot - and I implement it myself. When students come to us from their 6th grade year, I do read the IEPs from the previous year, but I also respect the growth that the 3 months of summer can offer. Sometimes our incoming students' IEPs can be totally thrown out because the kid has grown up so much - it's amazing what a building change (and being around older kids) can do to improve students.

Of course, you mentioned that these kids are struggling. I guess I would have to know what the exactly entailed to make a comment. I think "struggle" is a good thing - as long as it doesn't mean failure or giving up on the part of the student. Adversity can bring out some positives in students, and we have to allow the next level's teachers to see for themselves where the student is at, plan appropriate interventions, and adjust according to their professional whims.

I invite more details on your experiences.

- matt

[Cynthia Chambers]

Marilyn,
I want to thank you for the time and effort you have put into this month's blog. Your expertise and advice will surely help these students and teachers deal with some very complex issues.
Respectfully,
Cynthia

[Sherri]

I am currently a paraprofessional in a school that primarily serves middle and high school students receiving special education services. We are constantly fighting a battle to get parents involved in planning for their child's education. We have great difficulty in getting parents to attend meetings. I feel that in many cases these parents may feel intimidated by past experiences. What would you suggest that we do to encourage the parents to become more involved and to demonstrate to them our belief that they are an important of the team planning for their child? How can we help open lines of communication with parents who have had bad experiences with schools in the past.

[Carla]

I am a paraprofessional in a K-5 special education department. I have seen general education teachers push their own class work agenda while ignoring the goals on a student's IEP. Most gen. ed. instructors are great about following IEPs, but some see them as useless and a waste of time even though they were at the IEP team meeting and signed off on the IEP. When I become a special education teacher, and become personally responsible for IEP follow-through, how is the best way for me to deal with this? There always seems to be great teamwork and collaboration at the meeting table, but when it comes to the day to day task of making the IEP successful, the team starts to dwindle down on occasion. This can be intimidating for a new special education teacher.

[Debbie]

I am currently employed as a paraprofessional in a special education preschool classroom. What I find hard to understand is why teachers seem to disregard or take lightly the supports we have used for our students or the recommendations our teachers make for our students to help them achieve success as they leave preschool. When we hear that our former students are struggling, it is hard to give them support since they are no longer our students. As a future teacher, how can I make the transition to the next level a smooth one for my students? How can I help teachers understand (or buy into) the strategies that have proven to work for my students? After a student has left you, what is permissible for trying to help them if they are struggling? Thank you for your input.