Ellen: A Bittersweet Goodbye

I recently shared about a student in my classroom who displays serious aggression toward me. I had offered many suggestions for appropriate supports to make our setting work for this student. After months of feeling unheard, staffing shortages suddenly spurred a response. I think there was also pressure from some administrators at the county level who became aware of the situation inadvertently from another teacher at my school.
 
A whirlwind Functional Behavior Assessment and Behavior Intervention Plan process followed and, less than a month later, the IEP team has determined that he will be transitioned to a more restrictive setting immediately after Thanksgiving break.

The change in setting is right for him. He will be in a behavior support program with a lower ratio, access to a full-time behavior specialist, and a more structured daily schedule. I met the staff, spoke at length with the behavior specialist, and think this is the right outcome for this student.

I realize it’s right for him and for me and especially for my other students. I just can’t help feeling a little bit like I have failed him. For one thing, he will be at a center with no access to general education. Rationally, I know I did everything I could for him. I gave him the best behavior support I could in our setting. I think other teachers might have given up on this student a long time ago. No one at my school would have blamed me if I left him in our make-shift safe room for hours a day so I wouldn’t have to walk around like a bruised banana.

My colleagues, my friends and family, and his parents are all relieved at the outcome. A part of me is relieved, too. I know it has taken a toll on me and I know it has had an impact on my other students. I’m looking forward to being able to do my job the way it is meant to be done.

It will be nice to bring back the play kitchen and reinsert the structured play time that we’ve had to cut back on in order to support this student. My younger students really need that. I’m glad that my students won’t have to witness what they’ve been witnessing and that they can feel safe in their classroom the way all students should. My frustration with my assistant will dramatically decrease when her not following directions will no longer mean that I get injured. I’m looking forward to a return to the way my classroom used to be.

This outcome is best for everyone, but I will miss him. I’m disappointed that we couldn’t make it work. I have found that the kids who have had the most impact on me—the ones who take up residence closest to my heart—have been the most difficult ones. Their success is hard-fought and more satisfying as a result.

Comments

[Ellen]

UPDATE AND THANKS

Your comments have been so supportive and have really been helpful in my own emotional journey about this student!

The student has been thriving at his new placement and is has been a very positive transition for all of us.

Thank you so much for your comments!

[L McNally]

Ellen...I commend you on your efforts to assist in this particular student's learning and not giving up even when the "going got tough," and it sounds like it did! Although I have never been in this specific siutation, I can relate to your emotions and feelings that you failed this child. I do not believe one bit that you did fail the student in question; you made a difficult situation better for all parties involved by supporting/transitioning the learner to a more positive learning environment that can better accomaodate to his specific needs. You are only one person and can only do so much...you sound like a wonderful teacher and I applaud you on your integrety and great teaching skills!

[Melissa]

As I read your blog about this student, I could feel your pain of wanting to provide an equal education for this student, but also for all your students. When the other stduents are effected, it is not equal for all. The agression towards you and potentially other stduents would be a safety concern which would not allow equal education as well. I enjoyed reading your blog and more to come.

[remoyher]

You didn't fail him. You allowed him to have access to the program that will best meet his current needs - one that will be able to (due to staffing and the program itself) get him to the next level, so that he can return to a placement level like yours and be successful there. By not doing this you would have been failing him.

[Ellen]

Thanks, Vita. That's a really great way of putting it. It's great to hear from a teacher with so much experience.

[Vita La Russo]

Ellen,
I have been teaching 20 yrs. now and still remember all the students I "lost." I've had to learn how to deal. This is my process. Maybe I wasn't the best environment. OK, it's about them.
But more importantly, it's about the kids I have yet to meet. If I burn out now, what happens to the kids 2 years from now? 5 years? 10 or even 20 years? Don't they deserve our full abilities?
Keep moving forward. Most of your heart follows...

[Ellen]

Thanks Mom. ;)

[Judy]

Awesome post Ellen....bittersweet is the best way to describe this situation. Good outcome? Probably for all who are involved but bittersweet nonetheless. Hope your bruises heal soon, both of the heart and on your arms.