Kathy: A Special Part of My Story

I have a daughter with special needs. Those words are so easy to write, but they were so hard to accept.

Dana lagged behind other children her age; the doctor called it “delayed milestones.” I hoped that she was just a late bloomer. Starting school was a nightmare for both of us. She was shy and scared and did not participate. She just wanted to be left alone in a corner and talk to herself.

I worked hard with her, trying to catch her up to her peers. Every year teachers would raise concerns and I would work even harder. Eventually she was tested and we discovered her IQ was below normal. I decided I wasn’t going to let a test dictate what my daughter could do. She was behind her peers, but not enough to qualify for special education. One school psychologist even tried to label her as ADD (which she is not) just to get her special education services. I did not appreciate this gesture. I was so afraid of a label defining my child.

When Dana started fifth grade, I was told that she could qualify for special education classes once she tested two grade levels behind. I was not about to sit around and wait for that to happen. I took her out of the public school system and home-schooled her for the next five years, concentrating on reading and social skills. Those years were wonderful years of progressing at her own pace, one-on-one attention, and the two of us having a much less stressful relationship. Instead of working with her in the evening when we were both exhausted, accompanied by plenty of tears (hers and mine), we could now work in the morning—in our pajamas if we wanted to—and she could even have time to play and attend Girl Scouts!

By the time she was in the tenth grade, our local public high school had come up with a wonderful program for at-risk kids like Dana. She went back to a formal education and stayed in that high school program for four years. During that time I went through a divorce and some counseling. I had to face some things in myself and in my life. A side benefit of that experience was coming to grips with the fact I had a daughter with cognitive impairments. No matter how hard she or I worked, that was not going to change. I was finally facing a future that wasn’t bleak, just different. It was freeing.

Now Dana is almost 23 years old and for the past three years has attended the vocational school where I now work. This is our first year there together and it is going well. She loves not having to ride the bus to school since she can now ride with Mom. She dreams of getting her driver’s license (she has her permit), finding a job, and having a boyfriend. She collects angels and wants to paint her bedroom purple. She makes the best chocolate chip cookies ever. She and I have a “girl’s night” every other weekend, which usually involves take-out food and a chick flick! I try to encourage her while also helping her face the reality of her disability. I enjoy her!

Dana is part of my story and this has helped me immensely in my teaching. I sense that each young adult I work with has parents who, like I do, struggle with the reality of having a child with special needs who is growing up but in some ways will never BE a grown-up. I try to work with students in a patient and loving way, like I want my child to be treated. I have learned that information needs to be broken down in simple steps and in different ways to accommodate each individual student. I have learned that there is fine line between pushing too hard and encouraging just enough to help them become as independent as possible. Most of all, I enjoy my special students — just as I do my daughter.

Comments

[kathy]

Hi Penny,
I had to feel my way thru the home schooling experience. I purchased a curriculum from Sonlight (a christian company), revivised quite a bit of it though to fit my daughters special needs. I concentrated heavily on reading and daily living skills. It seems to have paid off because her reading is at about the 7th grade level and she tested above what her IQ says she should be able to do. I had her go to the public school for music, art and drama. It was a bit of this and that but it sure worked for us!

[Penny]

Tell us more about your homeschooling experience. A LOT of us gave up on public school and special education -- there's too much WRONG with it.

[Lisa]

Kathy,

I just want to say how nice it is to see a parent that is actively involved in their child's life and well being. Being a teacher I face so many parents on a daily basis that do not care about their child's well being, education, or whether or not they need extra services.
I give you a lot of credit and I am glad to hear that there are parents still out there that care.

[Laura C.]

First and foremost, I want to reiterate what many other commenters already have stated... Dana is very lucky to have you! Your story reminds me of what most of our students have been through by the time they reach us in high school. Seeing the "bigger picture" allows educators to have a greater understanding of the trials and tribulations that each student and his or her parent(s) have been through. Thank you for helping to keep us all in perspective! Best wishes to you and Dana!

[Miranda Rawls]

Kathy

I can certainly realate and that's what mother's do. They do whatever is best for their children, regardless of whether it is quitting a job, selling a house or home schooling them. I quit my job to go through a program for career-switchers to be a special education teacher. I could not afford to stay at home, because I am a single parent. However, I thought I could afford to be a special education teacher in order to be the best advocate that I could be for my son. I know what it feels like to be in your shoes and I applaud you for stepping up and taking control of your daughter's destiny in life.

[Rachel Marrieta Santos]

You are a great example of what a "Model Mother and Teacher" must be. What you did to you daughter is outstanding. I wish all parents like you have that fighting spirit and strong belief that a child with disability has their own talent and abilities that needed to be guided, developed and discovered, but it would not be possible if parents will not be involved in their child's education. You have shown great courage and determination in proving what you think is right.
You have just proven my theory that parents acting as the strong advocate of their child will have a better future, and if there is a will there is a way. I know it is not easy to be a professional and a mother of a child with disability but if one is determined to help in providing their child good life, it is really possible.
You inspire me in pursuing my goal of encouraging more parents to participate in their child's education. As a teacher you inspire me to do what is best for all my students and to educate them all no matter what. Thanks! I salute you and May the Lord Bless You more and your daughter.
Rachel :)

[Rebekah]

Your story is a fantastic one! The center I currently work at has a saying, treat the children in your class the way you would want your child to be treated in their classroom. When I read about the public school saying your daughter can be consider for special education when she fell behind two grade levels, that broke my heart! She should have never fell behind at all! You did the right thing for her by teaching her yourself! It also sounds as though you did the right thing for yourself as you seem happy with who you are and the person she has become with your love and help! You are such a strong person!

[Jodi K.]

Kathy,

You are a remarkable mother and teacher! Your story inspires me to fight for each and every child and ensure that I give the very best education to all. Good luck to you!

[kathy]

thanks for all the comments, reading them this morning has really meant much to me and I am glad my story spoke to your hearts too!

[Kelly]

Your post reminds me that sometimes as educators we get so focused on the things students can't do instead of all the wonderful things they can do. We need to celebrate those successes and remember that just because a student doesn't hit the benchmarks exactly when and how we expect, they are valuable, wonderful people.

[Miss Isoldi]

Kathy, I am truly amazed with your story and strenght. Although this is not my first year teaching, I am one of two teachers in an inclusive setting in second grade. I too, am struggling with having a student being tested for special education services. We are currently implementing all tiers of the Response to Intervention process,and sadly all of our efforts have been futile. Your story inspires me to continue to fight for every chil'd right to a free and appropriate education! Thanks so much!

[Carol Ann Driskell]

Kathy,
I just read your story and I want to start by saying I am so proud of you as a mom and a teacher. You did what many mother's of special needs children would like to do. I am guessing you and your daughter had lots of support to live without a paycheck and insurance for so long.
You bring a great perspective to teachers about what happens to their students' families when the school day/year ends and their educational program is not working. This is an example of how an educational system can fail a child with so much potential.
You should write a book!
Carol Ann

[Kristen]

Kathy-

You have reminded me of the importance to be sensitive when working with families and their children who have disabilties. Sometimes IEP meetings can be so business like, but it is so important to connect with the people we are serving!

[Barbara]

You sound like a wonderful mother and teacher.

[Ellen]

Thank you so much for sharing this part of your story with us, Kathy.