Kathy: The Difficult Student

I have a student who is difficult not to find repugnant. It makes me feel small to admit this, but it is a reality I face. “Bridget” does not take care of herself physically. She is obese. She dresses in elastic waistband pants that are always falling down. Her hair is often unclean and has no style. She wears t-shirts that are much too large for her and have unattractive images on them.

Most of the time Bridget sits with her mouth hanging open and a scowl on her face. She is slow to respond and unmotivated. She seems to be perfectly content to sit all day. The only thing that gets her the least bit excited is food. I have found her sneaking a drink of the concentrated lemon juice we use in our cleaning spray. She takes sugar packets out of the teachers’ coffee area to eat. She is constantly begging food off of the class.

I often find her just sitting in the room she is supposed to be cleaning. When asked what she is doing, she will give me her blank stare or tell me that she is finished. When I look around, it is obvious she has put little to no effort into the task. The most frustrating part is that she can do so much more.

Recently, I gave each student a 10-point inspection of a bathroom they cleaned and she scored a perfect 10. Could it be just because it was a test she put effort into it? How do I motivate her?

For example, Bridget has a crush on one of the boys in our group. If I team her with that boy, she accomplishes the tasks I give them with ease. But If I put her with any other student, she is like dead weight again.

We had a school dance last week. Bridget planned to attend and her favorite boy offered to teach her to dance in preparation for the event. He even gave her a whirl on a makeshift dance floor during a class break. She took his offer to mean, “I will be your date at the dance.”

When the boy made it clear that he was not going to be her date, just her dance instructor, Bridget was heartbroken. She began sobbing. That is when I began to see Bridget in a different way. I saw her as a young woman who was experiencing heartbreak for maybe the first time. I felt compelled to hug her. She hung on to me, obviously craving some comfort from the pain. We had something in common! I too have had my heart broken and craved consolation. Since then, whenever I have difficulty liking Bridget, I try to remember that moment.

I am wondering, do you struggle with prejudice against certain students? If so, how do you deal with that?

Comments

[Nathan Segal]

It can be very difficult to deal with. I had a student who was mentally challenged. Not only that, he was 19, 300 lbs., hated PC's and wanted to kill Bill Gates. And he was in my 3D class. It was challenging to say the least, partly because he kept sidetracking the class into debates about how the Macintosh is great and that the PC sucks. Each class, I had to find a way to derail him without making him angry, or I could have had a real problem on my hands. Somehow I succeeded.

[kathy]

Thanks T & Lauren for your great comments! Just a little update and a couple things that have been working. I have made contact with the mother and it has helped me learn a bit more of her story and connect better with Bridgette*. I have also discovered her great need for attention and have found one way to give it. She loves to draw and is actually a pretty good artist. Now she brings in a drawing almost every day and shows it to me, what a nice way to start the day and for me to view her in a positive light.

[T]

I have to agree with a previous a comment that whether we like it or not there are some students that we do like better then other students. Sometimes it is because of their behavior, sometimes it is because of the work you put in to the student, sometimes it is just hte smile that they give you on the first day. The important part is though that we care for each student a like. These standards could be ones that have been reenforced at home or at home there could be no stanard set of cleaness. The parent(s)/guardian(s) home could be very messy but they think it is clean. Unfortunately, until this girl is able to make more choices on her own, she will not realize the negative impact that her actions are having on her and her health.

[Lauren]

I think if we are honest there are students we like better and even those whom we do not like. Yet we must remain professional and not allow our feelings to affect how we treat students. I have seen teacher interact with students differently that one can tell some are liked and others disliked. I try hard to treat all students in the same manner of respect and courtesy that I would want. I respect all students just because they are persons. A student does not need to earn my respect.
This story reminds me that I must do this even when it is not easy to do.
Thanks for sharing the story. I have a daughter with Down Syndrome and I do understand how your job includes cleaning the bathrooms. You are doing a great service for those young adults.

[Carol Ann Driskell]

Kathy,
I think the issues with this student may be based in a medical problem and/or a home environment problem. It sounds like she has depression as well. I would never allow my child to go to school dirty or with inappropriate t-shirts. Maybe the parent/guardian needs guidance and support as well?
I also have an issue with students with varying abilities cleaning public bathrooms. I believe it is appropriate to teach students how to clean their own bathrooms in their homes.
Carol Ann

[kathy]

Hi Ashley,
I am a vocational teacher for 18-26 year olds. My job is to teach custodial skills by cleaning our very own school. My group dust mops, wet mops, does laundry, empties trash, fill supplies and yes we clean bathrooms. My students hopefully will go out on job sites in the future, one of the sites is hospital cleaning. Thanks for reading our blogs

[Anna Baker (CEC Staff)]

Hi Ashley, Please see below for the answer to this very valid question.

[Ashley]

Why were they cleaning bathrooms? Isn't that a bit unethical? Please clarify this part of your story.

[kathy]

Hi Marg,
Thanks for your comment, I love to hear back from people who have been there. I like what you said about being professional, thats good advice. Since I posted this I have learned a few new things about my student. One of her high school teachers toured our school with a group of prospects for next year. He informed us that Bridget had made so much progress and wished we could have seen her when she started high school. It is all relative isn't it? I have been working with her on nutrition and how it effects energy level. She has started drinking other things besides pop and has noticed a difference in how she feels. She has started to evaluate how certian foods or amounts of food makes her feel. That is a huge improvement! Her mother told us she suspects her daughter may have a disorder called Prader Willis, where a person never feels full and therefore eats and eats. I went online and learned what I could. I am not sure she has it or not but just realizing that it may have a biological root cause has made me more patient and understanding.
What a learning and growing experience this job is! Thanks for taking the time to respond to my blog!

[Anna Baker (CEC Staff)]

Thank you for your comment, Marg! This post may have been confusing out of context: Kathy works at a charter school for young adults with disabilities where they focus on vocational skills and daily living skills. Kathy is a job coach and as part of their curriculum her students are responsible for all custodial duties at the school -- hence the bathroom cleaning task.

[Marg]

In over twenty years, I've had one or two students I don't like, but not in the way you describe. One student, whose parents hated the school district, talked about me disparagingly at home and so the child felt he could be disrespectful (and even repeat to me what the parents said). I was my most professional (not cold, just businesslike) self with him--that's how I survived that situation.

Another student refused to do work and was constantly disruptive. Speaking to his parents had little effect. Every day I felt I was in survival mode, just scraping by and turning myself inside out trying to find what worked with him. Nothing did--and the year was exhausting as a result.

However, Bridget sounds depressed and it seems like she needs more help. Is she on an IEP or 504 plan? Can the school nurse, school adjustment/guidance counselor, or school psychologist help her? Is her family aware of her needs?

I don't understand about the bathroom cleaning task. In our state, that would not be allowed. Can you clarify this part of your story?