Kathy: My Work with Emotional Disabilities – Then and Now

When I was in college, a hundred years ago, my plan was to get a regular elementary teaching degree and endorsements in what was referred to back then as M.I. (mentally impaired) and E.I. (emotionally impaired).

Everything went swimmingly until it came time for E.I. student teaching. I was assigned to a middle-school class of seven boys with emotional disabilities. Every day was a struggle. I would go home exhausted and in tears. Emotional problems seemed so complex and depressing to me.

About three weeks into the semester, I reached the breaking point when one of the boys went home and committed suicide. I quit and never completed my student teaching for the E.I. endorsement. I decided there was a special place in heaven for those wonderful folks who worked with students with emotional impairments—and I just wasn’t one of them.

Flash forward to the present and I find myself with two students with emotional impairments. One young man is untreated but shows all the signs of bipolar disorder. The other day he came to school saying he wanted to just end the pain. When I asked where the pain was, he pointed to his heart. He said he was not afraid of death. I immediately alerted the administration and his homeroom teacher.

I went home and read up on suicide in young adults. I learned that asking them if they are thinking of killing themselves is actually a helpful thing to do; often people falsely believe it will only encourage them. The next day this student’s mood was depressed again and so I told him I was worried about him and asked if he had thought of killing himself. He answered in the negative. I told him I was glad to hear that. Of course, I will continue to keep a close eye on him.

I think my age and experience helped me react very differently this time around. Instead of running away, I hit the problem head-on. I did my research because information is so powerful. I never want to find out that I did not do everything I could to prevent a student from taking his own life.

I also know that I cannot “fix” this student. I took the initiative by informing others in the system but accept that I cannot control what they do with the information. In this case, the administrator chose to minimize it while the homeroom teacher chose to take it seriously. The parent has been given information on where to go for free mental health services but has chosen not to pursue it.

I thought a lot about this student, took the actions I could, prayed for him, and then . . . I let it go. Letting it go does not mean giving up. Letting it go after doing what I could allows me to keep working with this student. That is the difference between Kathy at 21 years of age and Kathy at 51 years of age.

Comments

[Rashed Alqahtani]

Hi
Thank you for sharing your story with us. I really admire your hard work. It is not easy to work with students who have emotional disorders. You have to be patient, and be proactive all the time. On idea that I think would be helpful with this student is teaching him how to use journals to reveal his frustration and anger.

[Korrin Hicks]

Kathy-
This is a very encouraging blog. The main reason I went into the special education field was because of my youngest sister. She was emotional and learner disabled. She died my senior year of college and I thought I wanted to devote my life to working with children just like her. I began volunteering everyday working at different centers all through college. Unfortunately, at 17, 18, and 19 years old it is very hard to work with children who remind you of the sister you lost day in and day out. So I gave up on special education and resorted to childhood 1-6. It took 6 years to take those big girl steps and finish the goal I started. Its still a tough pill to swallow sometimes, but its worth everyday.

[Heidi]

Kathy,

I admire you for working with students with ED. I am a general education teacher currently going back to school to get special education knowledge. I have always taken possession of my students in that I do try to "fix" them if something is wrong and take it to heart when the "fix" does not work. I just wanted to say thanks for reminding me that I can't "fix" everybody and that doesn't mean I have failed as a teacher.

[Krystal Tenny]

When I had completed my education I said, not emotionally disturbed and not junior high. The first position I am offered was, thats right ED teacher a middle school. I was terrified and I did cry, A LOT! Like you I found myself very depressed about everything. I wanted to change everything, but I only have them for 7.5 hours a day and I can't take them home with me. The most important advice I was given is; you can only give them the tools to make those right decisions and hope that when they come to the crossroads you have influenced them enough to choose the right path. It is not easy and sad sometimes. Like someone above says, letting him know that you are someone who will not run away and do care, may be the one thing that saves him from falling through the cracks or becoming another statistic.

[Gwen]

Kathy,
You are so right when you stated that a lot of people think that if you ask someone if they are suicidal that it will encourage them to do it. This is so untrue, some people really are reaching out for help and by you being brave enough to ask this question may have saved this young person's life. It's when they reach out and everyone ignores them or are too afraid to ask the tough questions that they feel justified in taking their own lives, after all no one cared to even ask.

[kathy]

I find that your story is amazing and inspiring. I agree with your pro-active approach to handling students with emotional problems. I had a sucide in my immediate family so I think getting help is so important.

[Rachel Pugliese]

Hi Kathy,

It is amazing what a person can learn with years of experience as a mother or professional. I have encountered many people who look the other way when they suspect a student is suicidal. Maybe it is easier or maybe they do not know how to approach the conversation. I like that you admitted that you cannot fix a person. I feel that if people ask questions and are good listeners, then we can help many others in the same situation. Not everyone is a counselor. I was happy to see that you went the extra step to complete some research on your own. I hope to take a page out of your book if the situation ever arises.

[Karin Herman]

Kathy, I appreciate your blog and especially am glad that you posted such a devastating event that I think every individual has encountered at some point. It is a strong demonstration of how we mature and how we can face such serious situations only when we are ready to. I am also glad that you included the fact that you cannot change this person's life and cannot "fix" him. Although you want to be able to save his life, just letting him know that you care may help him realize that people do care.

[Tyler Harms]

Kathy,

What a powerful story you have shared. I think you are right in the first reaction to thoughts or actions such as suicide will make us run the other direction. It takes courage to ask students exactly how they are feeling and I am sure he appreciates your concern even though he may not show it. You may be the only one right now to him that cares about his well-being.