Jennifer: A New Balance

Balancing work life with personal life certainly felt a whole lot more doable when my personal life was lacking extreme activity. I haven’t been writing as much as I’d like to lately because my personal life suddenly became a little out of control. I haven’t had enough time to really write, so by the time I finally get a moment to jot my thoughts down, shortening them into bite-size posts has been so difficult that I am currently staring at two drafts sadly begging for closure on my desktop.

The craziness didn’t just happen all at once, but slowly built up while I wasn’t paying attention. It was when I was recently sitting right in the middle of a massive, and I mean massive, pile of materials—a collection of current and that which has been passed down from a very, very long time ago—that I realized it had happened:  I had officially lost control.

I had previously thought this career choice somehow trained me to protect myself from that suffocating, overwhelming feeling that I was Never-Gonna-Get-Anything-Finished-How-in-the-World-Will-I-Get-This-Mess-Organized panic that has been causing me to recently forget everything up until just five seconds prior to each conscious moment. I was wrong, and I still can’t find my keys.

The craziness all started with testing. While this year went relatively smoothly, I did still have my moments of banging my head against the wall wondering, “Who writes this stuff?!?” (hence the topic of Draft #1 sitting on my desktop!). Then came open house, end-of-year school play, benchmark testing, report cards, and getting ready for summer school and next year.

Oh, and did I mention I’m getting married in a month?

Yes, I’m getting married in a month. I never mentioned it before because having the opportunity to write this blog somehow made me feel so much more “responsible” about my work that I wanted to keep my personal life and work life separate in any way possible. I thought it was good practice to keep them separated. I also thought I could get away with it. “Just make the decision to not think about work when you get home,” people would tell me. “Just remember, it’s just a job,” they would say.

WERE THEY OUT OF THEIR MINDS?!?

::Taking a deep breath:: Ladies and gentlemen…I am here to personally testify against the myth that balancing work life and family life is not achieved by mere, self-inflicted amnesia every 3:30 p.m. M-F.

No. It takes much more work and actual thought to ensure that you will remain sane as your two worlds constantly tango for brain space. You will never be able to forget that you have a spouse or children when you walk into work, so assuming that forgetting your students, along with their daily challenges and triumphs, will be possible as you walk through your front door is equally impossible, even if you did get all your planning ready for the next day.

The greatest realization I have come to, is that while I’ve a refrained from “bringing my work home,” I also need to be careful about bringing my home to work.

“Home” never really came to work with me before, but now I have planning I have to do that distracts me from my thoughts on our lessons. Responsibilities I have to take care of on my breaks, and stress that I have to keep reminding myself is just a product of too much going on, and not a product of my day.

I know if my students were going through crazy emotions, I would slow everything down for them and schedule time to decompress. If our day gets messed up or our schedule goes out the window, I try to take 5 minutes to regroup. I am essentially attempting these strategies on myself.

I am now “re-scheduling” my daily activities to include my own chance to decompress and prioritize, a practice I think is important to keep up—even when things seem like they’re going perfectly—so that quiet build-up of stress doesn’t happen again.

I’m not saying I have it all figured out, but I am saying that I now realize what a conscious effort is required to maintain a real balance in my life. A conscious effort that, in and of itself, takes time to plan and accommodate. If I had been more aware of this earlier on, maybe I wouldn’t have found myself stuck in the middle of a pile of books and papers having my Quarter-Life Crisis!

Comments

[MeredithMacdonald]

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[alegnac]

Jennifer,

Thanks for sharing your experience! I really empathize; I was just having a similar conversation with my host teacher a couple months ago, and still think about the topic frequently. I am a senior in college, about to graduate with my degree in special education. I am, also, majoring in psychology. Basically, I have overloaded semesters and worked myself to the bone for school. Then, I realized I was kind of neglecting my home life- my family, friends, etc. So, this year I forced myself to chill out, take time out for myself to exercise, do yoga, and not overwork...just to be a normal person, not superwoman. It's been a good year, overall. I think teachers already can considered themselves superbeings, for all the work and thought we put into our lives... we don't need to stress ourselves out any more than our jobs do :) Thanks for sharing, again!

[Sharon Thiero]

Hello Jennifer,

Thank you very much for sharing your personal and professional lives in your blog. I was encouraged as I can identify with your struggles, and it's great to know that I am not alone, trying to manage the piles on my desks at home and at school. I have been teaching for twenty years, have a family and seven children, and between tears and tattle-tailing, I am trying to complete my coursework for a Master's degree. I was holding on this school year, just trying to survive until summer, so that I could get caught up and organize my life, but somehow with summer tutoring, working a census job, dentist and doctor appointments, driving to and from vacation Bible school, and playdates with friends, my house is still a mess, and summer is coming to a close. I guess we never really get caught up in all we have to do in life. It seems to be about setting priorities, and the messes will have to come second to our spouses, children, and students. Congratulations on your marriage, and best wishes!

[Bernard H. Jones, Jr.]

Hi Jennifer,
I could very much relate to what you are saying. I am a divorced father with two kids and I just simply am overwhelmed with graduate school, teaching, and keeping up with the activities of my children. One thing that I finally am starting to do is look at my priorities and set reasonable goals each day. Sometimes I just don't get to everything every day which is ok. I write it down because for some reason or another it seems like therapy when you write things on paper. As I accomplish a particular task, I check it off. The items not accomplished are then moved to the next day. Sometimes the tasks then pile up, but I discovered that some days are lighter than others which makes me feel better. Good luck with your marriage and I things will get better. I still have a ways to go, but I see the light ahead.:)

[Kristina Kardos]

This will be my fourth year teaching a special education self-contained class. I recently received some teaching awards that caused me to reflect on my career path and myself. Just over four years ago I was a single mom working as a teaching assistant to get my foot in the door at a great district. I them took classes at night for my certification. I have started to write gratititude letters and cards to those that have helped me on my journey. When you realize all the help and support people give you it helps to fill you up spiritually. As you enter a new stage in your life, make sure to always keep your priorities in mind and thank those that help make your path a little easier.

[B. Lankford]

Jennifer,
I appreciate the effort to balance your life. I am in the same boat. I teach special education and gifted and talented in the state of New Mexico. I sponsor two clubs in my school, mentor a new teacher, and coach high school football. All of this while trying to finish a Master's in Special Education and talk to my wife occasionally. I tried stepping back to clear my thoughts but I feel I am wasting time. Thanks for the idea to schedule decompression time, maybe if I put the time on my schedule, I can do it.

[Alex O'Such]

Jennifer,
I am a student about to graduate college hopefully in December with a degree in science education. I am already having trouble balancing my personal life with my classes. I am overwhelmed with classes, and I could only imagine how it will be when I am teaching those classes. I admire how you were able to slowly balance the two back, and with all the different things piling on each other so quick, it is a miracle you were able to do so. I culd imagine it is hard to leave your work at home when being a teacher requires you to care so much for these students, at least the good teachers. I hope to improve my organizational skills and this was a good reminder to start now. Thank you and good luck with your wedding, God bless!

[Mike J]

Jennifer,

Your willingness to share your insights into the "craziness" of our chosen profession is encouraging to me as a pre-service teacher. I'm considerably older than most of my fellow students in the College of Education at the University of Central Florida, and I find that my life experiences have allowed me to often serve as a kind of mentor to younger people who haven't gained a handle on managing the demands of job, school and life. I'm recommeding your blog to my Exceptional Ed classmates as a valuable supportive resource. It helps to know that we're not the only ones having difficulty dealing with the demands of the work load and the inroads our chosen profession makes into our personal lives.

[Transitionsuccess]

I was curious about the perspectives of "newbies" in the field to see if they are YET overwhelmed!

I have been teaching students with learning disabilities for over 3 decades, in addition to raising a son with LD/ADD who successfully completed college -- no accidental fete :-)

Working with this cohort is definitely a "calling" - without passion, you burn out quickly from all the crazy demands.

When my son completed college, I was elated and relieved, to say the least. The post secondary success rate for these kids is estimated at about 12-16%. Having worked at a college from 1993-2006, I can vouch for those statistics. The failure and tuition loss were horrific to witness.

When I resigned in 2006, I vowed to try to increase the college success rate of this cohort based on what I learned from my perspectives on both sides of the desk.

I recently launched a listserv and blog for parents of high school students at http://www.conquercollegewithLD.com. Subscribers, either HS special ed personnel or parents of students,receive a free 55-page E-book, Interactive Academic Websites, upon subscribing.

Please pass this info along to anyone to whom it applies. Together, we need to raise the college success rate of our students.

Thank you!!

[Chellsey Jones]

Jennifer,
I am going into my fourth year of special education and it has always been quite a demanding job. I am also starting my master's degree this year. After being out of school for just a few years, I am surprised at how daunting the amounts of reading and papers which need to be completed. I have started my first master's course and it has been quite challenging. I am wondering if it will be too much for me to keep up with my master's courses and the massive amount of research it takes once the school year starts up again. I enjoy working with the kids each day, but it can be very stressful, especially when I have an overwhelming caseload of students with emotional disabilities. This past year was my first time working with students with severe behavior issues and it really take a lot out of you emotionally, mentally, and physically. There are a lot of nights when I feel like I don't have much let for anything else when I get home, especially on the most eventful days. The reward of making an impact on my students keeps me coming back. Even though it is the most stressful job I have ever had, the challenges, uniqueness of each day, and the impact on the kids brings me back again and again.

[Chellsey Jones]

I am going into my fourth year of special education and it has always been quite a demanding job. I am also starting my master's degree this year. After being out of school for just a few years, I am surprised at how daunting the amounts of reading and papers which need to be completed. I have started my first master's course and it has been quite challenging. I am wondering if it will be too much for me to keep up with my master's courses and the massive amount of research it takes once the school year starts up again. I enjoy working with the kids each day, but it can be very stressful, especially when I have an overwhelming caseload of students with emotional disabilities. This past year was my first time working with students with severe behavior issues and it really take a lot out of you emotionally, mentally, and physically. There are a lot of nights when I feel like I don't have much let for anything else when I get home, especially on the most eventful days. The reward of making an impact on my students keeps me coming back. Even though it is the most stressful job I have ever had, the challenges, uniqueness of each day, and the impact on the kids brings me back again and again.

[Sandra Fuller]

Jennifer,
I've been working in Special Education for 10 years and I still have moments like you have described. I've learned to laugh for the most part and take one responsibility at a time (in order of priority)take a deep breath and know that this too shall pass. I have begun my Masters Degree in Special Education this summer and I know I will have many overwhelming moments coming my way when school begins. The art is finding the balance that works for you. You have a wonderful attitude and I'm sure you will be fine! I enjoyed your post and congratulations on your marriage.

[francis]

Jennifer,
I am glad you mentioned that you are getting married in a month. Good for you!
In effect, you are going to live at the other side of the city where you will need to do more travel to come to your job (figuratively). If you happen to have done your homework, your darling will take you halfway across the city centre and to the school, so that you wont have to come to or leave school ever again alone!!! I mean to say that marriage will help you to balance out your work and you shall be even better at it. You have chosen to do another noble thing.
Please take time to reflect on both your job as an old responsibility and your marriage - your new found; they can be both demanding as you know.
I wish you very, very well in all you do.