Melissa: Work-Life Balance?

Is there such a thing as true work-life balance?

In college, I was busy with classes, homework, and my job. But as busy as I felt, I still found it pretty easy to make time for a football game or a movie. Then I graduated and got married. I was busy with my first year of teaching, in addition to figuring out how to blend “his” and “hers” into “ours” in our new little apartment. Fast-forward five more years to having a baby and starting to work on my first master’s degree. Work, baby, classes, baby . . . and baby some more.

Today I’m still a wife and mommy, teacher and student. But another role has come to the front lately: daughter.

My mom was diagnosed with stage-four lung and brain cancer about sixteen months ago, and her battle is now coming to an end. I’ve received heartbreaking phone calls while at school; my students have seen me cry. I’ve also been fortunate enough to take a couple of days off to just be with her, which is also hard because she sleeps a lot and when she is awake she is very uncomfortable. Sometimes when I’m at her bedside, I’m wishing I was at school. Sometimes when I’m at school, I’m wishing I was with her.

I have come to one conclusion through all this: My work as a teacher balances my life. For this, I am truly blessed. When everything at home is chaotic and just plain yucky, I can come to my classroom and just be me. I work with the best people on Earth. I get my recommended daily allowance of hugs, usually by the time the first bell rings. My email inbox overfloweth with warm wishes. I have lost count of how much food has been brought over to my house. I know if I need anything—and I mean anything—all I have to do is ask. And even when I don’t ask, it magically appears from someone who read my mind.

Looking back at a couple of my sadder moments now brings a smile to my face. The day I got that bad phone call and teared up, one of my students asked me what was wrong. I told him my mom was really sick and I couldn’t talk about it right then, but that I would later. He said, “I know it’s hard. I’ve been there . . . twice. I understand that you’re sad.” His compassion warmed my heart that day, and it continues to do so now.

Another day when I was upset about my mom’s situation, I managed to make it out into the hallway with one of my wonderful paras before the tears came. When we were about to go back in the classroom, I asked him if my make-up had smeared. He said, “Yeah, just a little,” and pointed to his face to show where my supposedly tiny smudge was. I dabbed and asked if it was better. “No, there’s just a little . . . over there . . . um, maybe you want to go to the bathroom and look in a mirror.”

I did, and my jaw about hit the floor! It looked like I had a taken a left hook from Mike Tyson; there was an ocean of black eyeliner on the entire western hemisphere of my face. When I finally got it chiseled off and made it back to my room, I wasn’t sure if I should hug Mr. It’s-Only-a-Smudge or hit him (don’t worry, HR, I didn’t do either).

For everything there is a season, and in this difficult time I am especially grateful to work with not only awesome teachers, but wonderful people as well. Home may be where the heart is, but school is where my heart is lifted.
 

Comments

[Lynne in GA]

Melissa,

You will get through this. Your family and school family are with you; you're in my prayers. Take care of yourself and find someone you can talk to; keeping your emotions bottled up only causes upheaval later. Feeling you should be at work when you're with your mother and with her when you're at work is part of the situation and your instincts will help figure out how to balance it all so trust yourself too.

[Caren]

Melissa,
I don't usually comment on teaching blogs. Currently, I have 8 history/English preps. Special ed. 6-8 grade and I'm a scientist! My mother-in-law and uncle just passed away this past week, so I can empathize with you. Stay strong for yourself.

I have been in overwhelm until I read your touching and real story. Seeing our students do well is so joyful. My thoughts are with you and your family.

[Melissa]

Karen,
Thank you so much for your note! Having an extra family at school for support is priceless. Hearing from other people that have gotten through it helps me know I will, too. Thanks again.
Melissa :o)

[Karen]

Melissa, I lost my mom to a battle with cancer also. I agree that school is a healing place. The gentle hearts of our students, that already have claimed us as "family" makes such a difference....
Thinking of you, your mom, and you difficult journey,
KMcC