Brad: Mai’s Story: Education’s Enduring Support

Over time, I’ve found that when I’m called to a conversation in a quiet and empty hallway, it’s usually a situation I’m capable of handling. But last fall, I encountered one that I was sure I couldn’t handle.

Mai, a 17-year-old student in our life skills program, stood with her back to the blue ceramic tile wall. She stared at a point on the floor just beyond her tiny sandaled feet. Ms. Lynn, our classroom’s teacher assistant, put her hand on Mai’s shoulder: “Mai, go on and tell Mr. B what you told me.”

Lakes of tears welled in Mai’s eyes and as she turned her head toward the long emptiness of the hallway she said, “I think I’m pregnant and I’m scared.”

Once the words registered, I looked to Ms. Lynn. She drew a long breath and let it out with a sigh. Mai put her head back down and sniffled. Without really knowing it, in the moment I began to speak, I placed my faith in what our school would do to help and abandoned words like could or should. Could and should are words for political, philosophical, and hypothetical situations, not real ones like Mai’s.

Within the next few days, Mai’s pregnancy was confirmed and we learned that the father was her boyfriend, another student in our life skills classroom. We met with Mai’s family and her boyfriend’s family. We helped Mai set up the necessary pre-natal care appointments and helped arrange transportation supervision and training so she could attend them. A short time later, when Mai lost the support of her family, we helped arrange foster placement and began to teach Mai the basics of caring for herself and preparing for a baby. I also learned that our district has a school that offers a curriculum and community support for pregnant teens, so we began to think of ways we could tailor that program for a student who receives special education services, like Mai.

Most importantly, all through Mai’s disconnection from her family and her strained relationship with her boyfriend, the school as a whole—and the staff and students in our classroom in particular—provided the only familiar, safe, and supportive environment she knew.

Of course, Mai’s presence in the classroom brought forth some unique issues, not the least of which was her ongoing relationship with her boyfriend. As a team of professionals, we struggled with Mai’s growing belly and its impact on other students in the classroom. With help from our school psychologist, administrators, and teacher assistants, we developed ways to turn what might be viewed as special attention to Mai into a litany of teachable moments for other students in the classroom. To be certain, by the end of her ordeal, each student in Mai’s classes had a visceral lesson in the physical and emotional challenges and changes that come along with pregnancy.

I worried daily about my own treatment toward Mai, perpetually asking myself whether I was accommodating her enough or too much and whether I was treating her as an equal to her classmates in terms of academic participation and output. I was pleased that Mai continued to attend her district-sponsored work site and, except for when she underwent treatment for minor medical events, attended and participated in school as usual until a few days before giving birth.

Among the unanswered questions are: What will happen to Mai and her child when she transitions from school and loses the support she’s found there? What does it say about our culture that we develop parenting schools and curriculums for pregnant girls, but not for would-be fathers? How do schools balance their views toward sexual education and health education with the reality of adolescent behavior? How can we know when the line between teaching support and personal support becomes blurred?

Last week, as Mai went into labor, her small group of supporters gathered in a hospital waiting room. Shortly after Mai refused medication and just before her labor began in earnest, the obstetrician quit coaching for a moment and asked Mai who she wanted to help through the final moments of childbirth.

Without hesitation, Mai winced and said quietly and curtly, “I want Ms. Lynn.” And so Mai delivered her baby with the teacher assistant who had supported her all along by her side.

Comments

[Paula]

I was very moved by this post. As special education teachers our role many times goes far beyond the classroom. I commend you and your teacher assistant for handling this situation with your student and showing the compassion and respect that you did.

[Maureen Mack]

Mia's story is a powerful reminder of the impact of "special"teachers in a person's life.

[Megan]

I have had a similar situation in the past helping a scared student who found out she was pregnant. I was the first adult she had told, and like you Brad, I was shocked, scared and my instincts took over. I am so happy to read about a positive outcome for Mai and her delivery. I am also thrilled at the life EDUCATION that went with this event in the school setting. I am currently pushing for a life skills class in my school and this is exactly what I needed! Thank you Brad!

[Denise B]

Thank you for sharing Mai's story. I'm creating my personal philosophy on teaching and admired that you jumped right in to help this scared young girl. You found the resources avaiable to help her through this difficult time.

[Ken Fetke]

I have a similar situation at the school I teach at. I teach at a center based facility that is composed of half EI students and half CI students. One of my female students and a male student started dating last year. During the summer she found out she was pregnant. I did have a long conversation with both students last year about safe sex but they must not have been listening. This year when she returned to school we helped her get connected to various local agencies to assist with the pregnancy. We have been working with her to help learn some of the skills she is going to need to help raise the child. After listening to everything you have done for Mai I am questioning myself if I have done enough to assist her. She does still live with her parents but it is a very dysfunctional family. She does have a great relationship with her boyfriend and his family. They are planning on getting married shortly after the baby is born.
Thanks for sharing your story.
After reflecting I wonder if I have done enough to assist this young lady.
Thanks:
Ken

[Brad]

Thanks for the supportive comments. As educators, we're often encouraged to teach the children from 'where they're at,' in academic terms. Unfortunately, sometimes we need to start by satisfying basic physical and emotional needs alongside the academics. I've been fortunate to work with teacher assistants who continually respond to the pressures of their roles in the classroom and community with genuine care, wit and professionalism. The support Ms. Lynn showed this student is only one example of the incredible support so many teacher assistants lend to students and teachers on a daily basis. Thanks again for the comments!

[Sandie]

I thought the way you and your assistant handled the situation was wonderful. You were supportive professionally and personally. In my opinion a perfect balance. You could have easily turned a blind eye to this situation and said it isn't your problem. You could have been judgemental. You could have past the buck. BUT you did not. You met the needs of your student at that very moment - isn't that where we meet academic needs of our students? You made a lasting impression on that young girl and your quick action for prenatel care was wise. Our students must know they are respected and safe at school. She must have felt that safety or she would never have divulged her secret. I would love to know if she named the baby after anyone from school. Did she keep the baby or place for adoption? Yes, I cried too!

Hot Topic - that should not be overlooked. You did bring up a very good point about what services are available for young fathers to be. This is a topic that gets very little attention.

Thank you for sharing this heart warming story.
~Sandie

[JeanO]

Yep! I teared up at the end (I work as an educational assistant in an elementary school this year but for the past three years I was an EA in a high school life skills room). Yeah Ms. Lynn and you Brad for helping her in your educational setting as well as personally even if you're not sure whether or not the lines should be or were blurred. Congrats!