Sheena: Expectations vs. Realities

Where in the world have I been these last few weeks? I’ve been trying to survive in a bureaucratic world that doesn’t make sense for idealistic thinkers like me.

Although I have not yet received a letter or pink slip from my school, I anticipate that I will not be offered a renewed contract or tenure at the end of the year. This year has been an incredible mountain of obstacles as I’ve attempted to advocate for my special education students by taking a collaborative, engaged role during lesson planning meetings. The word “passion” has often been used to describe my actions, goals, and value system, but the same word is sometimes equated with “aggression” whenever I attempt to interject an opinion. I have been entrusted to help develop lifelong skills and successes for my students with learning challenges, and yet I feel I am often not given an equal opportunity to share my ideas for effective teaching strategies.

Tenured teachers with no incentive to change have been boulders and windstorms along my path, and I honestly have very few resources in which to seek shelter, other than my faith, my family, my friends, and even this blog, which has served as a great outlet.

Reading through past journal entries often helps me remember past journeys on which I once felt that I would be lost forever, but eventually found a way to make it through. In one entry, I read the words of a woman I interviewed with who worked for UNICEF in Niger at the time. I inquired about any advice she had to pass along, and I remember being stunned by her yogic wisdom. She said that our expectations in life almost never meet the reality of our experiences; thus, the only way to be successful, to feel fulfilled, is to constantly meditate on our intentions.

I became a teacher to inspire, to motivate, to encourage, and to lift up young minds. All year, I’ve attended seminars to gain strategies to empower my students—strategies such as acknowledging their cultural diversity, building their self-confidence, molding their self-efficacy, fostering their love for knowledge, and providing an outlet for their voices in my classrooms. As a teacher, I expected to work in an open environment, one that is accepting of my diverse life experiences. I expected to be supported by colleagues willing to try new creative approaches to teaching and learning to best support our students.

But my expectations this year were far from reality. I felt that my instructional strategies were rejected by co-teachers again and again, a seemingly unified attempt to watch me crumble under pressure.

Last year, I was blessed to work with a sarcastic but charming social studies teacher. We were both first-year teachers and we began working together after a November meeting facilitated to discuss team-teaching roles and responsibilities. We created lesson plans together, developed seating charts together, formed collaborative groups together, and taught together. I’m happy to see how much this teacher has been able to grow and develop independently as a content teacher, but I’m bitter when I think of all my own rejected lessons and strategies.

In times of difficulty, I continually fall back on my faith and trust that my path is indeed the right one for me. I feel deeply blessed to have formed deep and meaningful relationships with the students I’ve taught at this Title I school.

For example, this year a homeless student, well known in the principal’s office, let down his guard on one of his last days before transferring schools. As our school social worker and I showered him with compliments about his growth, tears streamed from his eyes. He finally felt safe enough to reveal that he feared a future without the supportive safety net we had created for him.

And last year, I worked with a student whose moods shifted from extreme withdrawal to extreme anger. She felt safe enough to disclose a past traumatic abuse and I advocated to get her counseling services through her IEP. Her mother, who had gone to the same middle school, who had not finished high school, who had not known her parental rights, was empowered by and grateful for these new services. I saw immense growth in this student’s self-confidence and in her ability to use writing as a means to share her voice. She will forever remain in my heart.

So as I prepare to update my two-year-old resume, I will reflect on my intention: to be a means for change in the lives of young people with disabilities who are just learning how to advocate for themselves.

Comments

[Karen Ponce]

Sheena,

I will now be starting my first year of teaching an autistic pre-k classroom and I am so worried. I started working with the summer program last month and I already have encountered problems, mostly dealing with ethical issues. During the four weeks of the summer program my students did not receive any of the services they needed. Only one of the students were able to get speech but it was only because of who the parents were and the knowledge they had. During the first week I took it upon myself to go to the therapists and schedule my students but it did not mean a thing. After two weeks of hunting them down for their sessions, I had to step back. Being too passionate may have hurt me and I may have been seen as "aggressive" as you point out. Reading your post has given me hope and allowed me to see a light at the end of the tunnel, hopefully the year will be different.

[Kelley]

Sheena,
I have been struggling with many of the same issues that you describe in your post. I have colleagues that think I have more time and less responsibility than they do. I am noting more than a higher paid assistant. Your post helped to remind me that, when all is said and done, what really matters is the children we are trying to reach. I have a moral and ethical responsibility to try to lift these children up from the mire of past academic failures and show them what a bright future looks like. Thank you for reminding me why I became a teacher!

[Dana Peacock]

I am a Junior in college. I have had experience in the classrooms every semester. We are required to teach lessons and sometimes I too see the "tenured teachers with no incentive to change have been boulders and windstorms." I often worry that those teachers will be a great challenge for myself one day. But with your passion for the children, I am sure you will be just fine!

[Leisl]

As a student (and soon to be graduate!!) I am lloking at teaching throught the eyes of an unexperienced new comer, full of hopes, dreams and ambitions. All of which seem to coionside with the things you are trying to do for your students. As special education teachers I feel our biggest goal is to be advoactes. I know that when I'm in the field not everyone, or anyone, is going to agree with my recomendations or suggestions but if I feel a student is't getting the help they need I will fight tooth and nail for them and that seems to be what you are doing. Keep it up. These children need you and your passion!!

[Pam Hernandez]

Sheena, I remember starting out in special education feeling exactly like you do - almost 20 years ago. I had the good fortune of connecting with a lang. arts/social studies teacher with whom I ended up creating a life-long friendship with. Over a couple of years, we created what we referred to as "The Dance". Ultimately, if you walked into the classroom you would not have know who the gen. ed. and the special. ed. teacher was. It took us three years to get there though. We met over the summer the first year, put together an outline by year, than month, than week. She designed the general ed. assignments with some input from me and we collaborated on how to modify assignments to create success in all of our students. There are so many unserved children out there. We found there were many times when the modified version of an assignment was also very appropriate for students identified as gen. ed. Your post is insightful and written in a manner in which teachers can really identify with you. Thank you! You have the right value system in place, and thus will always be able to find a job. Also, it is not uncommon for those who don't understand the needs of our students to replace the word "passion" with synonyms that are not necessarily flattering - never take these personally. They are a compliment that mean you are doing the right thing; the other party just doesn't understand a component of what needs to be done.

[Sheena]

CTVI,
After reading your post, I revert back to my faith and belief that each of us have to walk the journey that leads to a life where we can live out our passions. Like you, student connections are my daily reminders of why I love teaching so much. Teachers in today's society are not just academic coaches, we are social workers, motivators, believers, and dedicated to the whole child. I am so glad to hear about your success in living out your passions through your new Masters program and I wish all the best for your daughter as she begins her journey with your support! Thanks for your words! All the best!

[Sheena]

Christine,
Thank you so much for your post! I can't express how reassuring it has been for me to read everyone's comments. In regards to your school's new proposed evaluation system, I actually see it as a potentially positive tool, which could actually encourage collaboration among co-teachers for the goal of student achievement. In terms of teacher evaluations, I believe that co-teaching partners (general educators and special educators) really MUST be evaluated together because of all of the shared responsibilities as pertains to effective differentiated lessons and teaching strategies. If administrators truly believe that co-teachers should be equal decision makers in terms of creating classroom learning environments, lesson development, and teaching roles, it makes perfect sense to me that such co-teachers should be evaluated as a team. This would reflect and promote what co-teaching should be. Thanks again for your words! Best wishes with the rest of your year!

[CTVI]

Hi Sheena,
You are a wonderful teacher! You are taking care of the whole child and that's what we do. We make a difference in their lives in whatever way they need it. Special Ed teachers much more so than general Ed in my experience.
Please, please do not leave the field of teaching if at all possible.
My first year everything I said was discounted because I was new.I was gen ed then. I persisted and was placed in the position of reading specialist because the program specialist and principal noticed how I taught 6 different reading levels in my 3rd grade classroom. Well don't you think all of the experienced teachers thought that was ridiculous! 67% of our 3rd grade class was at a high risk of failing our state assessment and they chose me to take care of it. I am very proud to say the entire 3rd grade passed their reading. I moved into special ed then I had gotten both certifications in college. I have been in special ed since. After f2 yrs of special ed I became a team leader with a fairly large group of teachers. We had 3 autism units.
I still searched for my niche in teaching and getting more and more burned out with the school politics and nonsense. I decided to take graduate classes to become a Teacher of Students with Visual Impairments. I'm finishing my 3rd year. I go to work every day enjoying the privilege and using the talents God has given me. I will graduate next year with my Master's degree. Because there is such a shortage of vision teachers I do not fear losing my job. I work with babies through 21 yrs. I have special relationships with not only my students but their parents as well. This could very well be a possibility for you. It is grant funded and you pay for the books. My daughter has fought through all sorts of extremely difficult times and graduates this month with her secondary teaching degree. I am so very proud of her and sick to my stomach that she has worked so hard and will likely not find a job. If she doesn't she will start the visually impaired program next summer. I am very proud of you for hanging in there. It's a tough fight.

[Almost a Teacher :)]

Sheena,
I totally relate to your post. As a student teacher, I am experiencing some of the challenges you face. I am graduating in a few weeks and realizing that maybe I am being too idealistic. I don't intend to change the world;however, I want to effect change in at least one individual. Unfortunately, I have been met with so much resistance from all sides. It is very disheartening. It was great to read that someone else out there has the same passion for educating students. After reading your post, I am more empowered to continue being idealistic. I think that once you have lost your passion for teaching, it's time for you to change careers. You are causing more harm than good. I hope everything works out for you. Keep the faith!

[Serena Brockman]

Thank you so much for opening up and sharing this experience. I know this must be a hard pill to swallow knowing that you only have the best interest in mind for the students. I feel this is what's wrong with the education system, some feel that their way is the only way and will not accept change. I wish you much success and hope that your school will open their eyes and receive what you are trying to offer, if not, I'm sure some other school would benefit from your wisdom and knowledge:) e encouraged!

[Carola Smith]

I can understand this problem, I had the same problem when I taught my first year. I only stayed. for the one year. I am now in a school that in much more willing to work together.
The first year of my teaching experience made me want to quit teaching. I set up a network with other people that I went to school with in order for some support to keep me in teaching. I wish there was a way that the older teachers would listen to the younger teachers and that they would be willing to change some of their teaching methods to help our students.

[Tara]

As I read your article, I completely understand the complexities of co-teaching. It's been a four year struggle for me across several content areas. I am constantly challenged and question how to truly meet the needs of special needs students in an environment that can sometimes be less than collegial.
Thank you for sharing your article and the realities of our daily advocates for those who cannot advocate for themselves.

[Christine T.]

This morning I read an article in my monthly NJEA Review magazine about the proposed teacher evaluation system in our state written by our Effectiveness Task Force. This board decided that 50% of a teacher's evaluation shall be based on student growth, and 70-90% of that based on the state assessments. The other 50% will be based on teacher assessment. Really. I wonder how teachers like yourself, who do not have the benefit of participating collaborative co teachers, and who service a population of children that many general education teachers disregard, will be evaluated in this system.

I commend you for your efforts, and wish that your colleagues would recognize the opportunity you offer for both the students and advancing their own practices. I hope that you find a school where you are valued and where your considerable contributions will be utilized. Good luck!

[Cortney Curry]

Sheena, I truly enjoyed reading your post. I am currently dealing with the same issues at my job. I too have become a great advocate for my students and it is perceived as being "aggressive" by the director of my school. As an educator, it is our job to advocate for the best interest of our students. As a new teacher, my ideas are frequently ignored and overlooked. After teaching in the program I am currently in, I know that next year I will be on my own. I understand that I am working to help the students and not for the approval of the staff. I commend you for your courage and wish you the best. Thank you for your post, it has reassured me that I am not the only person going through what I am going through at this time. I too, do not know if I will be offered a renewed contract at the end of the school year. We shall see.

[Marisa]

Sheena I really enjoyed reading your post and I understand where you are coming from. I currently teach at a residential treatment facility. Many of our students have been placed in the hospital for various disorders and they attend school on campus. It is very sad that education takes the backseat to therapy. All of the teachers at my school are very motivated and we are always trying to encourage our students. Unfortunately the administrators of the hospital who do not have a background in education make many decisions for us that is not based on education but on their ideas of what education should be. It becomes so frustrating that we are not being supported about education.

[petedoremus@hotmail.com]

Hello Sheena, I am amazed at how much character you represent in your post! I am also deeply moved by your story, your Faith, your passion/commitment, and your honesty. I too have experienced many hurdles with trying to advocate for change w/ nonconventional instructional strategies as well. I am a third year teacher aide, and have learned a fast pace lesson in beauracracy too. equally important is the impact you have made on two students described above that might have otherwise 'fallen through the cracks' of the system. My number one goal on a daily basis is to make my students feel safe, and build their trust in my guidance, and best interest for them!!

God Bless, and Good Luck

Mr. Pete WaldenU. MSED candidate/EDUC6720, Sparks

[randa]

I was so thankful to find your article. It is just what I needed to hear. I have been teaching for 7 years in a self contained Special Education class. I have always loved my job, I have never dreaded a day of coming to school. I became a teacher to inspire and grow with students. I wanted to make a difference in my "special" students that I would have. While working with special needs children it is the smallest accomplishments that mean so much. Once one of my students have succeeded in their goals it makes me love the career path I chose. With our ups we have our downs. We had new teacher assitants to come in to our school this year, both of mine being in their 70's!!! I do not mean any harm to older adults but let me just say they want to be a grandma and sit in the class room and drink coffee while reading the paper. So now I dread coming to school...but the smiles on my students faces make it all worth while. I feel drained at the end of the day, like I have been pulled from here to there just because of no help. After reading your article, it opened my eyes that I must move on and do what I love doing and that is teaching special need students. I must look past the hard times in the classroom to overcome this struggle I have now at my door. Thank you for opening my eyes!!!

[MA-teacher]

HI Sheena,
I commend you for putting yourself out there. So many times as teachers we all feel the same way about similiar issues. I have been in the same school for 8 years now, and have been through similiar situations as you. My first year was very difficult. My co-teacher a veteran teacher at that, made it very clear from the beginning that she had no use for a new teacher and new and fresh ideas. Many of thoughts, opinions and ideas were shut down or not even given a second thought. I learned very quickly I was going to be on my own. I had to become confidant in what I was doing a learn to go with my instincts. I teach to educate and support my students. Now 8 years later I am still here. Perhaps true colors had shown through, the other teacher was not invited to return this past year.

[Sheena]

Star-hopeful,
I love your post name! Thank you for your words and support. The fact that you understand my mountains and journey means so much to me. I feel that I've come to a point of clarity along my path and now feel so much more confidence about the importance of reaching and striving for that final destination by your comments. Thank you so much for sharing Dr. Haberman's book! I checked out his website (https://www.altcert.org/StarTeacherPreScreener.aspx?sm=b1),registered, and will ask my Department Chair tomorrow if we can use some of our extra funding to purchase the book. If not, I'll order it myself. In looking at his star teacher pre-screener, I love the assessed dimensions that he includes such as: Persistence in working with children that present daily behavioral and learning deficits, Value of Student Learning, Ability to Connect with At-Risk Students, and ultimately, the Ability to Survive and Function in a "Large, Depersonalized" Bureaucracy. My mother told me that she was proud of the way that I spoke and expressed my feelings and ideas recently. I told her that I learned it from her and she tried to attribute my communication to something else. Although, I don't agree with her and believe that I am my mother's child because of her love and example, I too believe that our abilities to speak our truths are enriched by the support of our friends and family! So thank you Star, for believing in me too and being proud of me! We hold each other up and grow as communities in our support of each other. Isn't it amazing how technology has connected our journey's and similarities. All the best and thanks for your support!

[Sheena]

Damon,
It is so nice to feel validated by others who share the same sentiments! Lately, I've been reading a lot of Paulo Coelho's books (The Alchemist and The Witch of Portobello)and have been inspired by following our intuitions and faith. We've all heard the quote that well behaved women rarely make history! The same goes for men! I've found it to be a difficult and lonely path this year surrounded by similar attitudes of tenured teachers, who have no incentive to change, but upon much reflection, I've found that I've stayed because of my students. I am there for them as you are for yours. I believe in them as you do and many educators do. Thanks again for your comments and support!

[Sheena]

Andre,
Thank you so much for your words and inspiration! I have the passion to teach and inspire deep in my soul. You are exactly right about proving that we can survive without each other; without true cooperative efforts. I believe that is exactly how we are failing our children each year that our schools fail to make Annual Yearly Progress and each year that our Special Education and minority students fall further and further behind the achievement gap. I can't thank you enough for your words and the courage that we both - that many educators in our field - carry with us each day that we work with these students with such diverse special needs. You are right that we have to come together! Leadership, National specialists, and resources must one day listen to the classroom teachers who have formed relationships and bonds with these students. One day, team teachers will be equal in the classroom. One day, special educators will be valued as equal instructors, role models, and leaders for our nation's future; our children. Today in school we watched a video clip on the biographies and autobiographies of Dr. Martin Luther King and Malcolm X in Language Arts class and I was enriched with the feeling and deep belief that as President Obama has stated, teachers are so intrinsic to the future leaders, innovators, and agents of change in our world!

[Andre McCrea]

This is not a perfect world. We are not a perfect people. However, we are called to a perfect mission. Our mission is to teach the illiterate. There is a call for unity among leaders. Leadership must respond to the call of unity, because they are the key to achieving our mission. Time is neutral. It does not change anything. Leaders change things through courage and initiative. Leadership can lead our educational system in the direction of a quality education system that adequately addresses the needs of our students. I have had the opportunity to respond to the call of duty and steer the course of our educational system. I have discovered that there comes a time when we compete and a time to cooperate. Leaders in education must be tough enough to fight and compassionate enough to cry. They must be strong enough to take the pain, and resilient enough to bounce back and keep on moving. Ask yourself, if that is you? The pain is intense. You have got to smile through your tears and keep moving with the faith that there will be a brighter side someday. Even in our fractured educational system, all of us count and fit somewhere. We have proven that we can survive without each other. However, we have not proven that we can win and make progress without each other. We must come together. I feel your pain.

[Damon]

I agree with the statement about tenured teachers. In my district, Compton Unified, some teachers seem to be have our students all lumped in the same category. They will fail because of there home life or they all don't want to learn. If I was naive I would follow suit.

[Star-hopeful]

Shenna, I too am an African American female, much older and currently in an alternative license program (Transition to Teaching) who has read your posts with much interest. I am more than half-way through the 16 month program and will enter my urban school district this fall as an intervention specialist in special education. I have been a substitute teacher for two years so I have no false hopes for helpful, collaborative colleagues. I have instead started a network of past Transition to Teaching colleagues who have offered their helping and lent an ear to my concerns. I've been reading Star Teachers by Dr. Martin Haberman and I see the need for more Star Teachers such as yourself who are fighting for the lives of diverse children. I sincerely hope and pray that you make the "final cut" and preserver. There are tears in my eyes when I say that I am so very proud of you.