Theresa: Tales from the IEP Meeting

When I was going to school for my master’s degree, I took one class in which we spent a lot of time conducting mock individual education program (IEP) meetings. What I remember most was how much anxiety they caused me. Thoughts would race through my head: How am I supposed to be in this meeting when I know nothing about the student? Won’t I know a lot more about the student when I am a teacher? Why are is everyone acting so crazy? They don’t act like that in real meetings, do they?

Fast-forward to my very first IEP meeting as a special education teacher. It was two years ago, but I remember it like it was yesterday. I was very new and thought that all IEP meetings were like the ones practiced in my classes or imagined in my head. Boy, was I wrong!

This was an initial evaluation for the student, and his mother was hesitant about the whole idea of special education. When it was time for introductions around the table, I said, “Hi, I’m Theresa, the special education teacher.” The parent became so irate at the idea of her child needing special education that she rose out of her chair and stood over me in such a way that I almost felt threatened.

After a lot of explaining, the IEP team managed to calm her down. We stressed that special education is not a bad thing; it was another resource to help her child. The parent really did not want to hear what we had to say, but in the end, she did consent for her child to receive special education services. After she left, the case manager and the social worker had many laughs at my expense! They still tease me about it to this day. And thus I was “broken in” very quickly—and I am much more selective about where I sit during IEP meetings as a result.

There was also a lot of drama during the first IEP meeting of my second year of teaching. I walked into this meeting feeling a lot more confident than I did the same time the year before, especially because I knew this student really well. The student’s parent had said he would be able to attend the meeting, but then became ill, so he participated over the phone. During the meeting, the different team members gave their reports in Spanish so he could understand them; meanwhile, the case manager translated for me. I was taking some notes and nodding in agreement with what was being said . . . until a team member reported that the student “did not know anything.”

When that was translated, I paused and looked at the case manager to make sure I heard correctly—and I had. That’s when my jaw hit the table. I quickly reassured the parent that his child, while not on grade level, had made many gains in the past year. For example, the student was now able to add and subtract to 20 without assistance, could write basic sight words, and knew the alphabet in both English and Spanish. The rest of the meeting was really a blur; I could not wait to get out of there.

I went back to the case manager’s office on my lunch and apologized for my unprofessional reaction to what was said during the meeting; I just had not expected to hear a comment like that. Both the case manager and social worker said that my reaction was priceless, that my facial expression was funny.

Because of my unforgettable experiences, I am always relieved when such meetings go as planned and there are no major surprises. In fact, I have created a short list of rules that I adhere to when I have an IEP meeting:

1. Pick your seat carefully.
2. Be aware of your facial expressions.
3. Always expect the unexpected.

I hope that my first IEP meeting of this school year is not as exciting as the ones from the last two years! However, I do not mind if it gets a little crazy—at least it will give me another story to share.

What are your most memorable IEP meeting moments? What tips do you have for making these meetings successful?

Comments

[Mashal J]

I really enjoyed reading your post and really these words "The parent really did not want to hear what we had to say" encourage me to answer this question" how can we as special educators take general steps to foster positive parent interactions. First, we should work to understand the needs, aspirations, background, and cultural of parents, which is the foundation of our relationship. For instance, we should care and discuss parent's concerns. We should share the goals and outcomes of IEP with them. Second, we should encourage parent participation that may lead to collaboration. Involving parents in classroom activities, providing plans ahead for parent/IEP team meetings, and offering to assist with transportation are examples of encouraging parent participation. In addition, we should address cultural differences, such as knowing the dynamics of culture and impact of culture on people lives. Moreover, we should avoid treating all members of a cultural group as though they are alike. Also, we should develop cultural sensitivity; that is learning to balance knowledge with openers. Finally, fostering good communication with parents is the most important step of positive parent interactions. The educator should listen to parent's points of view, give them a voice in decisions, ask them for their perspective, use non evaluative language with them, and avoid using jargon language with them.

[Ashley]

I have an IEP experience that parallels with your three main points. I am sorry to hear that a colleague said your student didn't know anything. It's frustrating to have members on your team that throw off a positive connection/relationship. You did a great job staying positive about the student and attempting to patch up the uncomfortable and inappropriate parts!

My first IEP meeting as a student teacher was this week. I had been told that this family was going to be a challenge: she was a single mother, unemployed with 6 children, 3 of which were in special education at my elementary school all with the label EBD. I was told that culture and poverty played huge roles in my students' environment at home and behaviors at school and to watch for similar behaviors with the family. I was also told that my role in this meeting was to take notes (to be seen but not heard).

When I walked into the IEP meeting, the mother had said she would be late. Thirty-five minutes later she arrived with her mother (the students' grandmother) and we started the meeting. I felt uncomfortable from the beginning because of how we were seated. We had a behavior specialist, 2 special education teachers, me, the building principal, and the classroom teacher. We are all white, middle class individuals. The mother and grandmother (both black) are sitting on the other side of the table with a chair in between them and us on both sides. This was extremely uncomfortable because I felt we were being dominating and intimidating. When we started to discuss her child, the regular education teacher immediately started off with how her daughter was disruptive, defiant, and below grade level. I could see the pain in the mother's face as she described her daughter in such negative terms. I feel it is extremely important to first describe the strengths of your student to his/her parent to start the meeting of on the right note. And when describing his/her academic ability, it is important to say what the student CAN DO instead of only saying what he/she can't do.

The mother was extremely respectful, nice, and understanding of our concerns. Her grandmother asked intelligent questions on charting behaviors and encouraging us to control our faces when her grand-daughter would shout "AMEN" or "Praise the Lord!!" outloud in class. This may be humorous, but she will continue to say reactions that are disruptive if she gets an initial reaction that is positive.

Overall, I completely agree with your 3 main points.
1) I feel it is important to show the parent you are not above them in the meetings and to sit comfortably with them, not on opposite ends of the room.
2) Be aware of your own and others' facial expressions. If you are judging the parent at all or another colleague, it is important to immediately stash them for later processing.
3) This meeting showed me that no matter what I think in the beginning of the meeting, someone or something will change my expectations.

[Theresa]

Thanks for all of the comments. Just remember most IEP meetings go smoothly and are nothing like I described. But always be prepared because you never know when the meeting might stray from running smoothly!

[Alyssa Mackey]

I love your three rules! I find that "Beware of your facial expressions" is very important because your nonverbal cues can really share a lot about your feelings on certain ideas. I've observed an IEP meeting where team member rolled their eyes at things other members said, and showed that they truly didn't agree or accept the things being said. Even though you may not approve of something that is said and may not agree, you should never fight with your "team members" in front of parents. Members from the school should try to show a united front that is centered around wanting to provide the best for a student. I believe that team members do need to talk before the meeting, to see how information is correlating between different enviornments, and to think together about major issues, concerns, or successes that should be discussed. Just because there is one IEP meeting, the team members should be continuously communicating!

[Emme]

I think that these are three wonderful tips to remember when going into an IEP meeting. I think always expecting the unexpected is true in everything we do as teachers but, especially important to remember during IEP meetings. I chuckled at the “picking your seat carefully” but, completely agree! ☺ The one tip that I really have to work on out of the three is “watching your facial expressions.” Facial expressions say a lot more than you sometimes want them too! Thanks for the great tips!

[Alysha]

I have had a lot anxiety about thinking of going through the IEP process as well. I think those are three great tips to remember for when I have my first official IEP meeting.

[Milena Cordoba]

I totally agree with Theresa, when you go into an IEP meeting you really need to be very focus on what is going on through the meeting.Our school meetings are long in cases, everybody talks, and makes comments on the student's performance and try to be sympathetic to the parent so they understand that the whole team is working towards the child's benefit.I bring a legal pad with me and write the most important comments done about the child so if I need to go back to make a clarification I read what exactly was said. If the parents are having their first meeting I basically explain who is part of the team and that everybody shares information about the student to reach a decision that benefits the child

[allisence]

When I was a student teacher, I sat in a number of IEP meetings where the parents only spoke Spanish and the teacher only spoke English so there needed to be a translator. Nobody knew that I spoke both Spanish and English and that I could understand what was going on in both languages. There were times when the Spanish and English conversations almost had nothing to do with each other. It's hilarious to think about now, but probably not awesome when it comes to acceptable IEP behavior …

[Maria O.]

Love this......so, so true Theresa. You have the perfect recommendations. I'll be sure to share with my student teacher.....or should I let her be surprised and laugh at her reaction????

[Jessica]

My "favorite" thing about translating during IEPs is when the translator and parent carry on for several minutes of animated language and then the translator says to me, "She said that's fine" or "Yes, she agrees." I feel like I'm Bill Murray in that scene in Lost in Translation when he is trying to film the commercial with a Japanese director.