Jerry: The Voice of Gladness

“No one can say, of course, except each for himself, but I believe that it is possible to say at least this in general to all of us: we should go with our lives where we most need to go and where we are most needed.” (Frederick Buechner, Secrets in the Dark, p.39)

I like that quote, a lot. Buechner is, maybe, speaking of something else, but I think he is also speaking in an, albeit, roundabout and unbeknownst-to-himself kind of way, about special educators; our calling; our day in and day out among students who are differently-abled. Maybe you are not so much into thinking that what you do every day is a calling—something that you did not choose, but something that chose you. Maybe you are.

Either way, I don’t think any of us would deny that there is something unique and wonderful about what we do. There is something that we cannot quite describe, something we cannot quite put our finger on, something we cannot quite make sense of in what we do. I’m not trying to set us up on some ethereal plain unattainable by those teachers in the general education classroom. What I am saying is that not one of us who teaches in special education classrooms—either self-contained or resource or as a co-teacher—thinks for a minute that we are in those places by accident. We may have each one taken a different path to getting there (my own path took me through Bible college, a few churches, the unemployment line, a video store manager). I’m glad I took the path I did because all of those steps have prepared me for what I am doing today and will do every day for the rest of my life.

So, here I am—entrusted every single day with the lives of the most beautiful children I have ever met: each unique in his needs, each special in her own tendencies, each joyful for different reasons, each with her own specialized set of triggers. Yet each; one.

And it is hard to go through a minute of the day without thinking about how I can help my students. I go to bed every single night thinking about a new way to teach nouns and verbs; I wake up each morning thinking about the greetings I will receive from the kids as they get off the bus. Sometimes I have to invent new ways to be patient. Other times I can scarcely contain my joy and want to run around the school in a festive dance telling all the people about some huge breakthrough in a student’s life. Many times an idea will come to me while prepping for some other project and I will get sidetracked (my wife accuses me of having an adult onset ADHD; squirrel!) and start something new before finishing something old.

But you know what? I wouldn’t trade what I am doing right now for anything in the world. I love being a teacher! I love being in a place where I am needed. Here’s part of how I know I am where I should be. One day, one of my students was having a difficult time getting adjusted to some situation in the classroom. For some reason, after he had calmed down a bit, I turned and looked him in the eye and simply asked him, “Do you love me?” The response? “What?!? This isn’t about love. Love is for girls. I don’t talk about love.” Here is a child who does not even know that love is a human thing, not a girl thing. It was another one of those ways I have learned to practice patience.

Buechner is right: we should go to the place where we are most needed. I have a sense that teaching is about far more than letters and numbers and schedules and recess: at some deep level, hidden or otherwise, some of our students simply do not even know what it means to be loved. Maybe part of our job as special educators, as educators, is to help our students understand that they are loved and to remind them in different and subtle (or not so subtle) ways each day that they are safe, that we do love them. I am glad, so glad, I am a teacher and that I am blessed with the opportunity every single day to love the children entrusted to me.

“Where we most need to go. Maybe that means that the voice we should listen to most as we choose a vocation is the voice that we might think we should listen to least, and that is the voice of our own gladness.” (Buechner, p.39-40).

Teaching makes me glad. We teach because we love.

Comments

[Sabrina]

I am in agreement with the statement, "we should go to the place we are most needed." I am a "returning" college student, non-traditional to say the least. I have been in jobs ranging from pouring coffee for farmers, working in factories, to being a cosmetologist. I have found that it is not enough to just "settle" for a job because it is money. (Obviously, this is not the career to pick if money were the biggest need.) I believe it is more important to find something that fits like a glove. My excitement about becoming a Special Education teacher is unexplainable, because I 100% believe it chose me- and we are a fit. I believe in order to be a Special Education teacher, one needs to have those skills that cannot be taught- those skills that come from life experience.

[Natalie]

You are so right, the rewards in the special education profession, as scarse as they may be sometimes are so worth it. I love when a student finally realizes something, gives into a teacher that they have been resisting, or has positive views of school for once. I think it is important to keep eyes on what being an educator really means and why we are here. For the kids. I realize that there will be late nights, angry parents, paper work and stress but if the focus is on being a good role model for the students and maybe being that one person that really loves them, it will be worth it. I am so excited to continue working with children and having those moments that, like you said make you want to run around the school.

[Nicole]

Jerry! I couldn't agree more with everything you just said. Through all my experiences in high school something lead me to this field of special education and I'm glad it did. Though I am just student teaching I am loving each moment, even the downs of the job. With all the challenges that come in and out of school I look forward to trying new things to better help my students. I hope that this feeling continues with me through my time student teaching and during my time of being a full time teacher. Your post was very inspiring and I will have to remember that quote!

[jennie]

Jerry,
The other day I was having a conversation with a friend. He was asking how my student teaching was going. I said “wonderful” and that I had finally found a place of work that I just love so much. I know I am still in the student teaching phase of it, but still when things are going rough in other areas of my life I am actually excited to go to work and to see the students and be around the teaching staff there. He said in reply “wow, you must have a lot of patience to do what you do”. I thought for 1 second about that statement and corrected him. I simply told him that I may or may not have patience, but that that wasn’t the factor that made me love it. I simply felt that this was where I was supposed to be. That this job, of facilitating the education of the wonderful students I work with right now, felt natural. I finally feel like I don’t have to try and learn a whole new trait or way of thinking for a job. I finally feel comfortable and excited to wake up at 5:30 am to get to work. It all just feels so right and that was all I really think that I have landed somewhere, right where I am, and this is where I needed to go and I feel like this is where I am needed the most as well. Thanks for that quote!!
Jennie

[Jamie]

Jerry,

Reading this made me smile. You are absolutely right. Each day brings new challenges as well as new successes. I think it takes a special kind of person to teach special education. Thank you for posting such inspiring words. I'm glad that life has lead you to be a special education teacher. From reading your posts it is obvious you are a passionate one. :)

[Kristine]

Jerry,

You are right. Some kids that we special educators teach need more than anything--more than reading, math, spelling, writing--is some compassion and understanding (and maybe a few explicitly taught social skills). I have that compassion and understanding because of my son's needs. I have also learned a great deal that helps my son, my family, and myself. Hence, special education is a vocation that needs me and that I, likewise, need.

Thanks for the literary connections in your posts.

Kristine

[Emma]

Jerry,
I could't have put this better myself! Every special educator is in this profession for another reason besides teaching. We could have never gotten the experiences that we get by working in another profession. I've always thought that this profession is a calling and not just another job.
I've had similar experiences of students thinking in different ways about things. I had a student who heard the expression "It's raining cats and dogs!" and he immediately ran to the classroom window and went "I don't see no cats and dogs! It's just raining!!" Every day presents new joys and challenges! I can say that this is the first job I've had where I've looked forward to going every day.